Triceps and Triglycerides

I have recently been accused of telling very long stories, so I will try to start this one at the very beginning (as I have been told this is a very good place to start) and see how fast I can get through it.

Three months ago I went to see my doctor (don’t let the time frame discourage you). I was informed that my triglycerides were high, very high, and my good cholesterol was, well, the polar opposite. I was informed that if I didn’t want to have a heart attack before I hit 40 I needed to cut some of the fat and artificial sweeteners out of my diet and increase my physical activity.

As early death is not currently on my list of life ambitions, I have taken her advice. I am down to one diet soda a day, I have been caught eating salads, I have grounded myself from all elevators (I work on the 5th floor), and I have taken to a religious regiment of increasingly difficult pushups. (This is where Missy makes a quip about my employer).

I have personally seen and felt the effects of these efforts for a while and have often tried to show my loving wife, Kodie, the effects of my efforts. She typically says something to the effect of “Oooh, looking good honey!”

Being the trusting soul that I am, I have taken all of her compliments at face value until a few nights ago. As I was changing to go to bed Kodie came in to our bathroom. Looking at my arms she exclaimed “Holy cow! You really are getting stronger!”

I gave her a dumb founded look and said, “This is what I have been showing you for that last few weeks.” To which she replied, “Well I was just being NICE then. THIS time I can REALLY see a difference!”

This comment has left me with some conflicting emotions. On one hand it looks like I am REALLY making some noticeable progress, which is good. But on the other hand I no longer feel I trust in the sincerity of any compliments I may receive from my wife, which is not so good. I am so torn over these conflicting feelings that I am at a loss as to the validity of my own perception of reality.

Maybe early death isn’t such a bad idea…and what is a triglyceride anyway?

Blatant Plagiarism on the Ides of March

My sister Rebecca said it so well. Please read her blog.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for an esophageal endoscopy!

Apparently I am lax in telling my parents and family important things that are going on in my life. So here goes I spent the evening of Feb 18th in the ER. As some of you may know I have a narrow esophagus. If you notice the lovely picture, the image on the left side is a normal esophagus and the image to the right, according to my wife who actually saw the pictures, looks more like mine. I has happened in the past , more times than I care to admit, that in my exuberant love affair with food, that I put more down my drinking straw of a throat than it can handle. I am not choking, I can breathe just fine, I just can’t swallow anything. As long as my salivatory reflex is not working overtime I can occasionally wait it out until though the forces of nature, magic, and tectonic plate movement the obstruction clears.

Unfortunately this time my blood sugar decided to drop at the same time. In and of itself this is not a life threatening or even an overly dangerous thing. The common correction is to eat sugar (or something containing it, though I have resorted to spoonfuls of the granular stuff in the past). But when you have something logged in your esophagus and can’t get anything into your stomach that could then disseminate into the rest of your body, the sum threat becomes much greater than these two relatively minor parts.

Long story made short:

Lodged Steak + Too Much Insulin in Blood = Trip to the ER

So now you know, and knowing is half the battle…the other half is a really sore throat and a big hospital bill.