Unjust Vilification

This may sound petty for a blog, particularly as I have not written anything in the last four months, but I feel compelled to stand and defend myself. A certain wonderful person, who will remain nameless, has taken it upon herself to portray me as a spineless woosie who she delights in tricking into kissing children who have been licking toilet brushes.

I want to take this opportunity to say that she is the best person I know and I am lucky to have married her, but I feel I must stand for my honor.

First, there is nothing wrong with eating a hotdog for breakfast. At least I didn’t wrap it in bacon! Thought I have had the bacon dog before (thanks to Stan’s hot dogs on the bench) and it was most tasty.

Second, I may be a bit vocal about my impending doom when I am ill but it is only done as an act of self preservation. Actual recent sick time conversation:

Me at the dinner table: “Honey, I don’t feel well.”

Mrs. Wonderful: “Suck it up.”

Me: “I think I am going to throw up.”

Parker: “Mom, McKay is bugging me.”

Mrs. Wonderful: “You probably ate too much junk food.”

McKay singing: “Rudolf the red nose…”

I get up and walk around the corner to the half bath.

Parker: “Stop it McKay!”

Mrs. Wonderful: “Parker let her sing!”

Me retching violently in the back ground for ten minutes.

Parker: “McKay, stop it!”

I hobble back to the living room, obviously spent from my intestinal battle.

Mrs. Wonderful: “Where have you been?”

Me: “Did you not hear me? I was throwing up.”

Mrs. Wonderful: “What, are you bulimic now too?”

Me: “I love you.”

Mrs. Wonderful: “Why does it stink over here?”

Third, as she stated “Davis men spoil the women in their lives. I think they are amazed that not only did we pick them, but we also stick with them.” All that I have to say to that is…yes. I am amazed that she has stuck with me for almost nine years now (thank you sweetie).

Lastly, the toilet brush thing was just mean.

My First Birdie

I know this will not be big news for most anyone who plays golf but it was big for me. Friday after work I took Parker down to play nine holes before it got too dark. Parker’s average score per hole was 10-12 over par but he got better towards the end and we had a lot of fun.

The exciting part for me was that I got my first birdie ever (one stroke under par). It was a par three. I hit my ball of to the left side of the green. I got out my lob wedge and chipped it (yes dad, it was the “hinge and hold”). Much to my astonishment it hit the green three feet in front of the hole and rolled right in.

Typically, I remember my decorum on the course but apparently I had a lapse at this moment. The pro commented, as he smiled, the he could tell I had a good hole out there as he could hear my jubilations in the pro shop.

My apologies to anyone out there if I messed up your shot. :-p

Antwerp "Do"

I love performance art. On this case it is a promotional stunt but it is still great!



The most amazing part is how fast they all dissipate at the end.

Triceps and Triglycerides

I have recently been accused of telling very long stories, so I will try to start this one at the very beginning (as I have been told this is a very good place to start) and see how fast I can get through it.

Three months ago I went to see my doctor (don’t let the time frame discourage you). I was informed that my triglycerides were high, very high, and my good cholesterol was, well, the polar opposite. I was informed that if I didn’t want to have a heart attack before I hit 40 I needed to cut some of the fat and artificial sweeteners out of my diet and increase my physical activity.

As early death is not currently on my list of life ambitions, I have taken her advice. I am down to one diet soda a day, I have been caught eating salads, I have grounded myself from all elevators (I work on the 5th floor), and I have taken to a religious regiment of increasingly difficult pushups. (This is where Missy makes a quip about my employer).

I have personally seen and felt the effects of these efforts for a while and have often tried to show my loving wife, Kodie, the effects of my efforts. She typically says something to the effect of “Oooh, looking good honey!”

Being the trusting soul that I am, I have taken all of her compliments at face value until a few nights ago. As I was changing to go to bed Kodie came in to our bathroom. Looking at my arms she exclaimed “Holy cow! You really are getting stronger!”

I gave her a dumb founded look and said, “This is what I have been showing you for that last few weeks.” To which she replied, “Well I was just being NICE then. THIS time I can REALLY see a difference!”

This comment has left me with some conflicting emotions. On one hand it looks like I am REALLY making some noticeable progress, which is good. But on the other hand I no longer feel I trust in the sincerity of any compliments I may receive from my wife, which is not so good. I am so torn over these conflicting feelings that I am at a loss as to the validity of my own perception of reality.

Maybe early death isn’t such a bad idea…and what is a triglyceride anyway?

Blatant Plagiarism on the Ides of March

My sister Rebecca said it so well. Please read her blog.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for an esophageal endoscopy!

Apparently I am lax in telling my parents and family important things that are going on in my life. So here goes I spent the evening of Feb 18th in the ER. As some of you may know I have a narrow esophagus. If you notice the lovely picture, the image on the left side is a normal esophagus and the image to the right, according to my wife who actually saw the pictures, looks more like mine. I has happened in the past , more times than I care to admit, that in my exuberant love affair with food, that I put more down my drinking straw of a throat than it can handle. I am not choking, I can breathe just fine, I just can’t swallow anything. As long as my salivatory reflex is not working overtime I can occasionally wait it out until though the forces of nature, magic, and tectonic plate movement the obstruction clears.

Unfortunately this time my blood sugar decided to drop at the same time. In and of itself this is not a life threatening or even an overly dangerous thing. The common correction is to eat sugar (or something containing it, though I have resorted to spoonfuls of the granular stuff in the past). But when you have something logged in your esophagus and can’t get anything into your stomach that could then disseminate into the rest of your body, the sum threat becomes much greater than these two relatively minor parts.

Long story made short:

Lodged Steak + Too Much Insulin in Blood = Trip to the ER

So now you know, and knowing is half the battle…the other half is a really sore throat and a big hospital bill.

Facebook strikes again!

As I mentioned before I have a moderately addictive personality. I wish this meant that people got addicted to me due to my personality; alas it only seems to mean that I become addicted to things very easily.

For those who have known me a while this should not come as any kind of a surprise (fly tying, fishing, various video games etc.) Fortunately, most of these activities come, I obsess over them until I prove to myself that I can do them as well as or better then most people and then I drop them like a bad habit (which by that time many of them have turned into).

Thanks to Shane (by the way Kodie is now gunning for you buddy) my newest obsession is facebook. If any of you out there want to add me as a friend…

I would like to tell myself that my main joy in this social media tool is the ability to reconnect with long lost friends and to keep an arms length tab on them all. And I do use it for that purpose. I could also argue that I am on there so that I can better mange the fan page for work. Unfortunately, those would only be half truths at best. I am quite enamored with all of the little games associated with it. I have limited myself to the ones I am in already or else I could play facebook games--well that is all I would do.

The down side is that my blog has been long neglected. And though it may suffer from immeasurable trauma, feelings of neglect and develop some self worth issues, it need not worry as the past has shown I will come back to it when my techno eyes stop roving.

(P.S. Kodie didn’t laugh at this post, as she said, “Well it is just too true to life.” Hmm thanks … I think?)